As I age

As I age I find life is becoming very different for me. I used to be young. Attractive. Active. Lively. Now, being alive it’s a struggle in itself. I feel tired all the time. My joints are aching. My bones bruise easily. I used to have lovely, thick red hair. Now my hair is thinning and reflects silver tones rather than bright auburn shades like a burning fire. I try to avoid the mirror as much as possible, which is hard as I feel like every room I enter has a reflection ready to show me my wrinkles. Walking is tiresome as my legs can no longer support me. I’m thankful for the fact that I haven’t gained any weight, but this feeling is counteracted by the fact that I’m losing weight daily. Withering like leaves at the end of their seasonal cycle. Simple tasks like going to the bathroom have become complex. I never thought that I’d be someone who would need an easy access bathroom design for elderly, but I guess the time has come. I’m thankful that I can still live in my home, rather than being shipped off to a care facility where my sole purpose is to exist until I can’t exist anymore. 

I watch my loved ones around me have their own lives. They don’t have time for me. I don’t expect them to have time for me. They’re all busy trying to exist in this complex and demanding world. I know they love me, that’s what matters. I do wish we could spend more time together, but I remember how it was for me when I was raising a family. I never had time for anything and I’d struggle to find excitement as I was so preoccupied with my to-do list. Now, I even look forward to something as simple as a visit from the bathroom designers. Melbourne has changed a lot over the decades I’ve lived here. These changes are intimidating. The streets are busy and the news reports nothing but danger. Technology is advancing and I’m here ready, and willing, to get left behind.