I have disgraced the good name of truckers everywhere. I feel terrible, but there’s nothing I can do about it now, other than hand in my letter of resignation tomorrow morning. I broke the first rule of truck driving, and then the second one straight after it.
It all started a few hours ago when I got tyre replacement near Hobart. I left the mechanic completely satisfied, but as I hit the open road again, a strange urge came over me. I wanted to wear my trucker hat backwards. I knew that this was the first rule of truck driving, that you always wear the hat the right way. It is a serious breach of trucker trust to do otherwise. It’s basically our uniform, signifying the unity of the industry. But I thought nobody would notice. It’s just a silly rule, right? Wrong. As I twisted my trucker hat, an immense sense of shame came over me. It just felt wrong. But it was too late. I had already done the wrong thing.
I knew that I should have gotten proper truck repairs in the Hobart area. It would have taken longer, and maybe this horrible urge wouldn’t have come over me. I felt so terrible about it that I stopped to get some ice cream from the nearest convenience store. And in my dismay, between gigantic sobs, I dropped it all over the floor. I had just broken the second rule of truck driving: don’t spill ice cream.
I have to resign from my job. There’s nothing else to it. I can’t keep this a secret, because not keeping secrets is trucker rule number three. Being caught breaking the first three rules could get me permanently blacklisted from all events in the industry. It’s brutal, but I agreed to it. And how could I go to the Australian Trucker Convention and look my old friends in the eyes? How could I sing the Trucker National Anthem and not feel like a fraud? I’m going to miss it, but I don’t have a choice.