Bathtub Troubles

There is almost no challenge I cannot overcome. In my many years on this planet, I have single-handedly conquered armies, crushed rebellions and danced to the song of death with the gods themselves. Whenever there has been an obstacle in my way, I have always found a way around it, without exception. That is, until today. What could have possibly stopped me – one who has never been defeated? The answer, unfortunately, is a bathtub.

Generally, being a video game character is a pretty sweet deal. Even if you perish, you’ll simply respawn at the last checkpoint. But when the developers program you without a jump button, it turns out the mundane can prove an insurmountable obstacle. Oh, how I envy those video game characters who can scale mountains by repeatedly smashing the x button. The only thing I can smash with x is the skulls of my enemies. Thus, it shames me to admit it, but I’m going to need the help of some professionals to modify my bathtub.

After a long life of bravery and adventure, I decided to retire in the Australian city of Sydney. There, I purchased an apartment with a beautiful cast iron bathtub, only to discover that I could not climb into it. Woe is me, indeed! If only I had the powers of an Italian plumber or an orange bandicoot in blue shorts. In order to have my bathtub modified, I got in contact with a team of experts who can complete bath modifications for Sydney homes. Generally, they complete their service for the elderly, although I suppose that at over 10,000 years old I would qualify for a seniors discount. But my not being able to get into the bathtub has nothing to do with my age. If only those developers had given me a jump button! 

It is what it is, though. Once I have an easy-access bathtub, this will all be behind me. I just have to hope that I don’t come across any fallen logs in the future.