Solar Planet

I definitely make an effort to do my part for the environment. Earth Hour is taken very seriously in our household, which is pretty easy since Mum and Dad usually aren’t home and it’s just me in this big, dark house with my lone candle. I make sure to recycle my shopping bags in those …

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Melbourne Hair Games

I guess if you’re not from Melbourne, you don’t get on the squad. That’s fine. Not feeling jilted or anything. Everything is just fine, watching all those hair stylists go off to the Hair-olympics in a BLATANT act of favouritism. Honestly, I’ve half a mind to complain to the international hairdressing authority; only problem with …

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Spiders Can’t Swim

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long, but I finally know how to escape the spiders: take to the seas. I’ve never been on a boat, ever. Why would anyone go on a boat in 2018, really? That got old the moment commercial planes started accepting passengers and everyone realised that a six-week journey …

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Clean That Sludge

Four calls to the council, even more emails, and now I’ve actually visited their office, and I’m still not sure they’re going to do a single thing about the waste leaking from the wall at the end of the road. Our road runs into a hill, you see, so the house on the corner is …

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My Wallpaper Rules

It’s weird to own a house. I mean, not just on the level of being able to have your avocado toast and eat it too. It’s also weird because there’s no real estate agent breathing down your neck, waiting to raise the rent at the drop of hat (instead, there’s the bank waiting to raise …

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Window Week Squeak

Is it just me, or is The Great Australian Trade-Off the BEST SHOW EVER. No, it’s not just me. Apart from a few naysayers who we don’t really listen to anyway, this is the best season yet, out of a whole two seasons. That said, there have only been three episodes, so maybe I shouldn’t …

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All The Pests Disappear

Back in the days of old, people had household spirits to do all their dirty work for them. No, not REALLY, but there were all kinds of legends and folklore, so it must’ve come from somewhere. You’ve got elves making shoes, brownies coming to sweep the floor, and if you were really lucky, then evil …

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I Must Go Boating

Recently I was talking to my guru about a dream I had. In it I was on a boat, with Elon Rust, with both of us having a dance competition and wearing giant banana suits. Was this a premonition of great things to come? We had a bit of a hypnotherapy session and he said …

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Why So Many Dogs?

Turns out there are no breeds of dog that you can ride like horses. Fortunately I was told that by a reputable dog breeder rather than trying them out one-by-one, but seriously, NONE? There really aren’t many dogs in my country, and the few that you see around the place are the skinny kind that …

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