The others think I’m crazy, but I honestly believe that we need to go on the offensive if we’re going to beat the Hardware Bandits. They play dirty, stopping us from selling our hardware with whatever tactics they can come up with. Why shouldn’t we do the same? I’m really passionate about this, and if you think that I’m getting too worked up over a role-playing game, you obviously have never experienced the glorious game that is Hardware Shop Bonanza.
We aren’t the only hardware store being affected by the Hardware Bandits. In-game, I went and spoke to the owner of a Hampton hardware store and he said that his sales were down due to the bandits as well. We need to stop them, for the good of the local economy. Without immediate action, the realm of Melbourne is doomed. I say we gather our pitchforks and torches, our swords and our allies, and we storm that hardware shop and burn down all their timber, just to teach them a lesson. They’re terrorising the local populace, forcing them to buy from an inferior supplier. I say we go to hardware war! I don’t care if there isn’t a combat system in this game. Our Hardware Master said we could do whatever we wanted, and I want to fight for our right to sell the best building supplies near Cheltenham!
I know what you’re probably wondering. Yes, I do play the guard class, ensuring that none of our products are taken illegally by hoodlums and youths. I don’t see what my class’s emphasis on brute strength has to do with anything. Just because I like to punch or grapple first and ask questions later, that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought this through.
I’ve just had it with the Hardware Bandits. If the Hardware Kings aren’t going to stand up to them, then who is? Nobody will, and that’s a fact.