My Dream Home Doesn’t Even Exist

The leaflet that came through the door said ‘design your own dream home’, but I don’t think they’ve ever met me. Let’s just say that I have a certain idea of what I want my dream home to look like, and it definitely does not exist.

Basically, it would have to be a sort of church-castle hybrid, with a moat, several secret turrets, turrets (as in, the automated defence system), and also the ability to control the weather. So there would be a lever inside, and you can set it to various modes depending on what you want the day to be like. Anything from blistering Sahara deserts to Baltic Siberian winter, though those would only be if the neighbours annoyed me.

Now that would be a really nice package, although if I told a buyers advocate based in Melbourne what I was looking for, they might just be a little nonplussed. That’s okay…there aren’t many castles in Melbourne, let alone hybrid castles. And so far as I know, nobody actually owns a weather creation machine in real life, so that part I’d have to make myself. If I did manage to get myself a buyers advocate, i would probably have to settle for a home that actually exists in Melbourne and then attempt to turn it into my dream home. So, like…a really big house. It would have to have a fence around it, which would kind of simulate the moat. And while I can’t really control the weather, I’d settle for a really good climate control system, as well as a south-facing lounge so that I can repel most of the summer heat.

See, there are ways to compromise. I can find a dream home while keeping property advocates sane and happy, and employed.

Although I do kinda want that weather machine. I’ll just make one of my own, and perhaps make millions by selling them and watching as they become a staple of any high-end property.