Melbourne Hair Games

I guess if you’re not from Melbourne, you don’t get on the squad. That’s fine. Not feeling jilted or anything. Everything is just fine, watching all those hair stylists go off to the Hair-olympics in a BLATANT act of favouritism. Honestly, I’ve half a mind to complain to the international hairdressing authority; only problem with that is that it doesn’t exist…yet.

Suppose I’m moving to Melbourne in the next four years, finding a job at some nice little hair salon. South Melbourne is probably the area which has the most promise for me. Then, only then, will I stand a single chance of ever getting onto the Australian hairdressing squad. Sydney just isn’t good enough.

Mark my words, I’ll be watching them very, very closely. If Melbourne hairdressing is so good then I want to see it. I want to see their every curl, every single act of blow-drying, every tiny little sweep of the comb. Then we’ll see who’s really better, and we’ll know who to beat next time.

That’s right: we need to bring back the Australian competition. I think there was one a few years ago, but it’s the kind of thing that tends to peter out without any heavy input or interest- sort of like the Hair-Olympics themselves- but I’m thinking if there’s going to be such discrimination against other cities, we need to bring it back and settle this. Sydney versus Melbourne, Canberra versus Adelaide, Perth versus Brisbane, and maybe Darwin will be there…I don’t really know. Is there hairdressing in Darwin? Maybe; I am not sure myself.

How embarrassing will it be if some other city wins, and the next year, the entire Hair-Olympic squad is still from Melbourne? It’ll highlight their wicked ways, and then maybe a less biased candidate will be chosen. I’m not blaming all of experts from Melbourne, hairdressers are of course, welcome to put their best foot forward. There was just an error 27in the selection of the team manager. So she gets fired, disgraced, humiliated, and then maybe Australia’s hair scene…will be a fair scene.