Fix Your Parking!

Melbourne has a serious problem with parking, and it’s about time someone stood up and took notice. Last night I was half an hour late for the Boney Mac concert, first because I couldn’t find a parking space anywhere near the venue, and then because I had to park a thousand miles away. You know how long it takes to walk a thousand miles? It was, like…ten minutes at least.

And all this after I made sure to get there early! Are there seriously no car park design consultants who can come and save us from this mess?? Those people need to get on the backs of the city council with their ideas until they decide to install giant multi-storey car parks everywhere, or something. Preferably, they’d be near the venues so that anyone can park at any time, and no person will ever again have to walk through the windy streets for up to ten minutes, arriving with frizzy hair. True, that’s sort of the fashion at Boney Mac concerts, but I just can’t make it work with my own hair, and the wind wasn’t about to style it perfectly.

I get that you can’t go smacking great big concrete blocks everywhere you like. There are green transport plans there to make it so that we’re not wrecking the environment with our selfish ways, but still. Come on. Come on. Seriously? Come on.

We can surely find a way to marry the two. Gigantic, towering pieces of concrete right in the middle of built up areas, and staying green. That’s easy. I could whip up a traffic plan right here on my phone, and I’m sure it’d be fine. Think of all the innocent lives I’d be saving from having to walk stupid distances to get to social events. All those innocent lives! Think of them! 

I’m gonna do it. Find myself a good person to make a green travel plan, so it gets past the city council, and also a traffic engineering and parking plan that’ll make everyone’s wildest dreams come true. If those dreams are related to parking, that is.